im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
