just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
