Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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