At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
