If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
