Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
We have so much sex to catch up on
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
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