Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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