you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
