ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
people are starting to question the shark bite story
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
