Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
