I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
