if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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