i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
