I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
