U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
