Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
