she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
