My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
