I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
