Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize