I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
