I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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