Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
