How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
