It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
