I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize
