Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
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I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
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Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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