I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Non-Jews are for practice
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Randomize
