I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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