God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
birth control should be required to get into college
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
