the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
