Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
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