First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Can you bring me the toilet please
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
