PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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