i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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