I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
