you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
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When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
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That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
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