it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
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Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
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I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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