Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
