Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
