Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
