i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
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I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
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You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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