There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Randomize
