So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Randomize
