dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
