if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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