Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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