Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
