dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
now i know why i became what i already was.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
