clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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