I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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