Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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