The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
The beer is more important than you right now.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
