It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
