I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
