Well douche your snatch and let's go!
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
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Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
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I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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