It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize