Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
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