Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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