I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
how does that bad decision feel?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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