Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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