I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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