The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
