It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
