I'm so fucking centered right now
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
