I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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