I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
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Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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