i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
