Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
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