WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
