Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
