How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
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I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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