can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
so let's talk penis.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
