Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
