you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
