Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
