PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
