i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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