sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
