i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
