I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize