this beer tastes like vomit already
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
