when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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